A good Friday

3rd June 2011:
Last night, I told myself, prayed and set the alarm so that I could wake up at 630am. Ya, Holly Spirit heard my prayer and he woke me up sharp on 630am. But the laziness conquered me eventually.
I don't understand why I can't fight back when my mama says No this No that. I have easy thoughts,
1. increase my mileage
2. run better results.
Isn't it is a simple thing?Ya, but whenever I bring up my idea, my mama has the look and says, who you think you are? Can't you just run for fun? Don't you know the world out there is not safe? You try to run and see! Why you such a "kiasu" girl? Why you want to compete with the guys? Why Why Why and plus the look down look. Ok, fine I shut my mouth off. Perhaps her over suspicious on everything has slowly affected my thought. I realized that I am becoming coward, withdrawing myself. Often, I have a thought, what if I would have staying at KL and I can run with the gang, don't you think it is much more better than here? Banting does have a lot of places to run, quiet, flat road but all of these roads are Malay kampungs. I did survey before and all the Mat Sikal and the Malay's looks when they look at Chinese which I experienced before. Today, I read the newspaper, there was a saying when we meet obstacles, we start to step backwards. I guess, it is very true and this happens to me from young till now. 
They said, I am still young and have a lot of time in future, if I can't run, train now I still have a lot of time. But do you know, the greediness in my heart? Should I call myself greedy or I just want to do better in my running. Is this called greedy or Chinese saying, 不自量力? I don't know, what I know myself, I can do better and better. I read through the Michele Tan's blog and found out that she is much more ambitious and she does what she says but I'm here, talking bullshit.
Mom, sometimes, I do really wish I can go everywhere I want, I wish I can drive to KL and meet the friends, but I know you will be right there and stopping me. I know you are protecting me from harm but I also know I can take care of myself. Due to the restriction, I know there are many things that I can't do. I can't help it but I just need to wait the time to grow up and when I am old enough to spread my wings and fly.I don't dare to walk a step forward, I remain here, linger on my circle, don't have the courage to even "senget" a bit. 
HollySpirit, I look to you, please...