5 precious sentences from mama to me

I think I can conclude those sentences every time mama shouts at me.
1. 没有用！！
2. 跑跑跑，跑什么跑？你跑步能赚钱啊？读书赚钱才是！
3. whenever I say, I want to be more diligent and run with the guys, train my first LSD, she will say, who you think you are huh!?
4. 你的脸那么难看？还比我这个“老扎伯”更难看！搽搽搽~~~每天浪费钱，有效么？(mama,I also wish that I am pretty but I can't control my own face such as my body, you criticize my body, my big thigh, my big buttock.  I tried and tried not to eat, eat pills, vomit all the food I have eaten, yet I am born to be like that, I can't just be like you)
5.做么那么粗鲁？什么都给你弄坏！(mama, I am born to be stupid, a little bit of slow and rough. I can't control, sometimes, I broke the cup so suddenly, not even 30seconds, I broke the "rak of sidai baju". I apologized.

Ya, I guess, since young, I have been listening these words and they are growing stronger in my heart. How I fight back, in the end, I still ended up to walk with my head down, looking at the floor, scare to meet people eyes.They might say I am fake, not genuine but seriously, every time I want to go out, I think a lot and a lot. Every time I look at myself in front of the mirror, I back off. Ya, I saw some ugly girl, the look mixes with guy features, so ugly so ugly.....