sundown

27th of May 2011:
The day before the race, I was really so terrified, not because of the race but I was thinking of going alone, taking flight alone to Singapore, find the way to meet Wengwoo they all. The whole idea made me freaking out. I didn't even pack till the night, I realized that if  I hadn't packed, I would have messed up on the next day. Packed with worries, finally I slept......
Early in the morning, around 915am, farewell with mama and gogo fetched me to the airport and taught me the method to check in. Phew, luckily I have a wonderful, patient gogo, though he behaves as though as daddy he is better than daddy in speaking. Saying bye bye to him as well, I waited, waited....I was hoping that Ken will show up so that I was not alone. But another side of my heart, I wished he hadn't showed up. Yes, he didn't show up finally. There were some of the runners had the same flight with me, but I just ignored them, didn't even say hey to them..Who cares?hahahaha
FLYing------>SIngapore..
Upon reaching there, I had no idea what to do, followed my instinct and took MRT,sms with Wengwoo, he showed me the direction. After some time, finally I got them. Went to Athlete Sport shop to take the race pack and went to the small, tiny ABeary Good Hotel. I was so shocked, ya! Gogo, you had your words correct. The hostel in Singapore is really TINY.....
Makan-->laughed--> went to Marina Bay-->Makan--> Tidur.....

28th May 2011:
I woke up quite early and had my free breakfast and waited and waited.......makan again, a Korean rice,I didn't know what was that but not bad....then we went to Orchard Road ate the roadside ice-cream..So sedap leh...
Waited for Wengwoo's friend, only left 45mins, we shopped a while and rushed to the MRT and back...
Mandi, rest, prepared and rock to 42km~~~took MRT again, waited for the shuttle bus, laughed in the bus yet stucked in the traffic. I saw many runners ran. This was my first rime I saw people ran. There were so many patterns of running, so cute and I wondered how I ran,perhaps I run as though as mama said, like an elephant.Hahaha.I felt like so happy to be with the gang. But, there was only the bad thing I dislike it, which is everyone asked me whether I am the student or working now.I do really hate it, I am a student OK???
Eventually, we reached the exhibition. Waited again, stretched and took many photos and stood in thousands of people.My mind was in blank, suddenly the scary thinking flooded my mind, I scared if I couldn't finish in good time,  I scared if I had stomachache during the race?LFS guided me and others to go nearer to the starting point and it was great to stand nearer to the starting point.
3....2....1!!bomb! RUN.............LSF paced with me, actually I was not glad with him but I remained my pace and forgot about the distraction. I wasn't sweat at all  and I think I was running with very easy pace. There was an uncle opening the loud speaker with the old songs, kinda funny! Moreover, there were many young guys listening to their music with earphones but they opened so loud. Around 18km, LFS left me (after that he told me he lausai) and before that, about 16km, I went to toilet. I couldn't endure anymore.I ran, my mind was blank and I was praying so hard, hoping that Holly Spirit can listen to my prayers. Seeing the distance marks from 20km-21km-22km, my leg was getting lazier, I realized that. I remember there were  volunteers  gave me tit-bit. The last 12km was really hard for mentality. The road was exactly the same of the starting point. It was so lone, all the guys only and there was no lady, I passed by some guys and there was a 18years old guy paced with me. However, he didn't follow after some time, I think because of the soreness. I stopped a while, my mentality was getting weaker. 38km,  I prayed hard, 4km left, please, I watched my watch, couldn't know what was the exact time. 39km, I stopped to stretch a bit, there was a guy handled me a counterpain.Phew,  he was the angel!!! I applied all and had the energy to run.I cut him, cut some guys as well and last 2 km was totally dark. I told myself I needed to speed. Gosh, a lady cut me but I saw the finishing line after the turn, it was 500m (I guess so) and I sped UP! The DJ announced my name, my heart bumped and the clock hung showed 4:18....FUYOH!!!
Waited for others till the next day, we chatted and took photos...
Packed and say bye bye to them.
Actually, I wasn't so focus for my marathon but I was happy with the entire trip. I met some new friends who really cared for me. I felt so blessed, without any training, without any of my pace yet I managed well. Thank you Holly Spirit, thank you everything......

frustrated

He is just went out and bought himself a Kuey Teow..Jesus, why he behaves like that???Why? It is 11pm now and yet he is eating the supper and tomorrow or later on, he is swallowing more than 5 pills to control his cholesterol, kencing manis and etc??? Are him committing suicide now? I am so fumed to see him behaves like that, even now I am in my bedroom yet I can hear to the touching of chopsticks and the plate sound, kling kling klang klang....WHy?I really don't understand, why can't the old man just loves himself more???I am really so angry but I can't find anyone, Jesus,please, please use the hand of Father to cure my dad. He is a great dad, but he has so many flaws till I dislike him, I ain't hate him but I dislike him. I don't know why he has so many flaws, can you please just heal him?????
I am getting isolated myself from others, I FFK 4 people, lied to people just to cover my unwilling going after promising people. I am scared, terrified even feel horror just now while I was decided to go to Cheng Yong's open house party. I used foundation to cover the scars on my face, but they just can't be covered. I looked so ugly, seriously ugly. Then, I took off my contact lens, sms to Chili telling him that I have period. Actually, I wasn't . I just didn't want to go..Yesterday,I lied to LaiFS just because I was freaking out when thinking of taking bus alone to KL, stay overnight at his home, and hike. Supposedly, I should be situated at Humour's wedding dinner now after the hiking. BUT I changed my mind yesterday after dithering for so long in the morning and cheated him that my grandpa had sprained his ankles. Who the hell knowing what is happening to my grandpa now? I don't care of him at all...BUT I CHEATED!!!! This morning, I supposedly to go with Yee How to Putrajaya to swim and I cheated him that my leg was pain. In fact,  I just couldnt wake up, I was so tired even I woke up at 10am... I don't know why I am still behave like this, lying around, I am so sorry...I just really scared whenever I am naked. I see the cellulite, the scars, the hairs on my legs, my fat tyres around, a very, broad waistline, and I am really terrified.  I see even more closer to my mirror, there are numberless of pores on my nose, so many big beads, pimples, uncured big pores, I just wonder whY???????I am been using all the products, my face really should have a laser, my big nose..why I am born to be like that:? My leg is so O, so ugly..I just can't see the beauty of myself....
I don't know what happened to me, I know I must changed. But why?WHY?WHY??????
I should have gone to the psychologist, I am always FFK for the last minute just because I don't know what to wear....
and I really don't like my dad. WHy he spits all the times? Why he is like a sot person, scolding my sister? The face he scolded her just now was like the wolf, a palia person.. Every time he eats, he is using the hands and eat like he hasn't been eating for many days, it is so no cultured, as though a animal is tearing the meets. Then, he spends money on stupid medicine, what the hell !!!After eating, he lays down, he creates his own disease for himself, and buys medicine somemore? STUPID!!!!!I told him no to buy the stupid collagen yet, he bought just because his son told him to eat the stupid collagen. So, a pre-lawyer is much more better, his words is more trust-able than a pre-food scientist isn't huh???!!!Stupid...He thinks who is him????Ok fine, how can I just close my eyes and act like nothing happens har???He is my father OK?Why can't just the stupid man listen to me? He has been claiming himself is doctor from Cambridge and scolding people stupid, idiot non stop, and keep on repeating...but he is the one who is the most stupid person in the world. I am sorry and I know I have so much of sins to call my own daddy that way. But, I really can't endure anymore.My roomate used to tell me to pray for Holly Spirit, I prayed. I know I can't change him but Holly Spirit, did you listen to my prayers?
I know myself is being so rude to him,impolite to him, especially him,blaming my mother due to the fact that my mom doesn't teach my siblings to do housechores and only I am the girl who is doing. Ok, I accept it that this is the fact.I have to do because I am not finding any job so far. But, just why? Why can't my brothers and sister just do a simple housechores and my mama is so lembap that she has been doing all the things for them, washing their clothes...and she said that, my dad gives her money and so she does all the housechores. WHAT?You are not the slave, maid to a house, a home OK?!!Why can't you just use force to teach? See!!How dirty is my sister, white shoes not being washed for 1 month, after wake up cannot fold the bedsheet, the dirty tissues all around.. I just don't know why? Why you mind is so kolot??? Why others fathers can help their wives and only my family CAN'T????
My mom keeps saying that "it is for your own good" to forbid me drive to far places, go with uncles to run, etc....I am getting older you know??? She said, you are so beautiful and now the world is so dangerous and later people rape you blar blar blar.....Ok OK, I get it and I don't go out ? Is it OK? And now, I am drifted apart from others....
I know, I shouldn't be grumble and grumble. I think I just hope the most important thing that my dad changes!His behaviors made so many people don't like him....Holly Spirit, please....please listen to me..
Amen.