Happy Winter Solstice

Hmm...

I have so many things to talk, huh?
Today is Winter Solstice festival, in Chinese we call it as "Dong Zhi".

As usual, I woke up at 745 in the morning.
I came to work, 10 minutes earlier than usual.
My mind all thinking about my hometown, my family, my parents especially.

Actually, I registered myself for Seoul International Marathon last week. I paid for my parents' flight tickets. I want to bring them along with me. It left not more than 3 months. I am thrilled every time I think of getting a PB with them and how my parents are proud of their daughter. Since I am not afford to Boston, I need alternation then. Vacation with parents seems is a good idea for me.

I don't know why when I am getting older, I have no "push" for my motivation.
Is this caused by the deprivation of currency? Perhaps, this is the reason. I just feel blessed that I can reach company safely, listening to radio, running(later) and sleep soon. However, my quality of sleeping is bad. I have nightmares almost every night. I am not sure if I have my dinner too late or my body is full of energy (impossible! I drink 2 cups of coffee everyday to boost myself). Don't know.

Yesterday talked to friend, realizing KL runners are taking prohibited medicines for enhancing their performances. According to a runner from Northern part, he said that he could run side-by-side with B runner in a week, then next week B runner can have a big gap with him. He does believe even a car can't perform a superb performance just in 7 days. So, I 'kepo' abit and asked one of my elite friend. Got confirmed that apparently there are runners doping! No wonder!


Well, back to work.. :(

Happy Winter Solstice everyone!

Year 2015

I left my blog for more than 6 months. :(

May-July: I attended governmental interview and passed it successfully.

It was a shock for me when I knew I got selected as I thought my answers was not good enough and I couldn't able to answer the question when one of the judge asked me about Akta. I guess it was my personality and my cheerful attitudes made them to select me. So, I resigned from that horror company.

In retrospect, I waited for government official letter to arrive when I had no job and sat at this temporary home for almost 1.5 months. I browsed to recruitment net every single day. I applied from tutor teachers to admin clerk. Whatever company had the vacancy, I clicked to it. I went to many interviews, especially kindergarten. I got selected. I had only one month to report to Johor. (Ya, they sent me to Johor, Tampoi). I was in dilemma. I couldn't concentrate on running. My performance dropped drastically. I idled at home every day. I woke up at 10 am everyday. I watched You-tube to pass my time. I felt shameful to talk to friends. I was facing bad mood and stressful days and nights.
My mom forced me. She wanted me to back there. I refused.

Till, I went to St. Jude Medical and my current company's interviews. You know, God truly loves me. I passed first interview in St. Jude Medical which I thought I would have failed and they wanted me to be back on second interview which was my current company first day reporting. Another dilemma. In the end, I chose my current company over the big company after analyzed the pros and cons. I learnt that my salary would not be as high as I wanted it to be. That would be my choice. I chose working-life balance over hectic life. Miserable, sometimes I do think like this still when I flashed back my choices.

July-Now: So, I become a Quality Assurance officer in this company. I have been working for five months. Everything goes smoothly except I met a super duper weird colleague.

My running world have always been so interesting. I learnt to be "tahan" with those kinds of people. From the range of jealous runners, bad-stabbing runners, doubles faces runners to hypocritical runners, I started to meet these kinds of human beings. I am curious all the time, why nobody punishes them when they have such attitudes and characters?   Only God knows, I guess.
I gained new experiences. Up and down in this year.

I am one year older than last year. I don't know when I will write my next blog, but I will definitely write some more. This is the only way to keep my secrets and to express my feeling at the same times.

May: We both won Ipoh Open, 3rd and 1st runner up!
Track and Field 5000m.
I could remember vividly, I was freaking-up. Common, first timer! 

17th October 2015
Just joined this company awhile, the generous boss brought us to Royal Belum.

17th October 2015
I don't actually pose. This is my weird posing.

24th October 2015
See my father! My mom always said my daddy is like "Habba" dog! LOL! (Bad huh!)

24th October 2015
My beloved mother. Her 52th birthday and she was thrilled that night. 

22th November 2015
This is what I got after PBIM. Honestly, I need sponsor ! It was excruciatingly painful!!

5th December 2015
This is another painful moment. (Do ignore the bra part, I am talking about the chaff and rashes).
I applied Bio-Oil, every lotion and now, it remains as scars!

19th November 2015
Another experience. Ran at 11:20am. I was surprised I could actually make it.
Well, timing was not good and out of my coach's and my expectation.
Ya, I was sad awhile. But, I do believe I could have done better. 

speechless

昨天去了教堂。星期四和他说后，他就开始对我不理不睬。
我不是要对基督的不忠。可是，我有时觉得很奇怪，为什么有些他们教的东西我不能接受呢？
讲回他。。
哦，他不牵我的手了，连过马路再也不牵了。我并没因此而生气了，也不再失望了。
他说，为何不能不去教堂？
去教堂，去学学耶稣所传下的道理，我并没觉得因这而我会变得很极端。当然，他不开心，他说他担心。他也需要保障。他说他有权利要求在结婚前确定一起才做决定。他没错。
我累了。每次这样冷战好不愉快。
我辞了职。等待政府的信，看他们派我回去妈妈的怀里抑或还在这里打转。当然，是时候搬出去了。
我给了我的承诺，你还是不能接受，说什么孩子生了，我会捣乱。
那就别再拖拖拉拉了。真的很不愉快。
很累。
牧师昨日说，结婚是两个人变成一个。要常常说，我们，而不是你，也不是我。
我从来不知道要接纳一个人，一个人的家人是如此的累。你从来都对我奇怪的性格感到很不舒服，那就别再犹豫了，好吗？我宁愿是你说我们不要在一起，狠狠得把我赶走。
感觉你开始适应自己，不再牵我的手，不再帮我拿毛巾。这可能是好事？
但愿如此。
很累。

Speechless

每一次，他的家人从家乡出来，我的脾气口特别坏。
昨晚，我们又为了小事情吵架了。在我们去吃晚餐的时候，他又再提起我弄坏他的车的事。我已经和他讲了很多次我愿意赔偿，为何他必须要一次又一次得提起？还在他家人前面提起，是不甘愿给我面子吗？我就在饭桌上开始静静。要我怎么哦，父母亲一直聊他们的事，我只不过是个外人。
他爸在台湾问过他为何不找个比较听话的女朋友，他爸指得乖是我们跑步圈子里的一个护士，讲话娇滴滴的。我听了不是滋味无论他如何得解释。
我不懂。他说我变得很野蛮。说什么两个人在一起到个阶段是和家人一起，要容忍。可是，为何我做不到？就因为在一起所以我必须这样，那样？
已经和他在一起了1年多了，可是我不曾感到保障，只觉得我不要欠他太多。当然，能搬出去我会尽快得搬出去。我担心哪天他和我说，”我为了付出这这这，你什么都没付出那那那。。。”
爱情，这一块，我没本事去玩这门游戏。
之上个月宗教的事吵后，我好像真的没保障了。。

纯粹把我心里的话写出来。

I made a decision finally

It has been one year plus that I ignored my blog as my life changes since I move to this place. There is no extra time for me to sit down and write my feeling.

Well, talk about "big fight" last night. Two days before, it was the 8th day of Chinese New Year. Hokkien-nes are required to pray at the midnight. I followed Mr Ant back to his hometown after been struggling for one week. Forget about the travelling time,how his parents/relatives, the environment over there. The main point is I didn't take the Chinese joint stick to pray. Instead of it, I stood behind with his relative's Philippine maid together.

Then, last night, volcano erupted. We were eating our dinner till he said I am extremely selfish for not being pray. There are some words still lingering in my mind as they have etched in my heart.
'难道拿那香会死么?你爸爸妈妈是怎样教你嘚?没家教!......"
(chinese and direct translation: Take the joint stick will die isn't? You parents never teach you or not? You are such as bastard...")
Well, I shouted at him, don't ever say about my parents. I ain't pray not because of my family, it is all about myself. Don't ever say that my parents never teach me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kept quiet then...

It was hard, very tough to sleep last night. I drank half bottle of wine, mixed the Carlsberg and strong Whiskey. Cried non-stop and cried till I slept finally. I dreamed. Dreamed about packing all my clothes, dreamed about my family came here with sober faces, they are fetching me back to Banting.

Aunty A called me for one hours plus.

I think I have made a decision.

God will help me pass through all obstacles. I need to be strong and independent.